That's pretty much how it went down in my head. Don't even get me started on how weird the year 2008 seemed. Pretty much the equivalent of what 3032 looks like to us today. Unthinkable.
Well flash forward and we are at my 26th year on this Earth. Forget 21 that was already a lifetime ago! 26 is such a boring year. At least with 21 you get to look forward to drinking (legally finally.) 25 brought me a lot of introspection and a letter informing me of my Social Security benefits...YAY for being 25! But 26, its one of those indifferent years. One of those years I might forget. One of those years that I thought all those little boxes I created as a kid underneath the titled "Life Plan" would have been checked by now.
Age 18- Go to college
Age 22- Get awesome paying job because you went to college
Age 23- Meet awesome life partner and spend some time with him before "then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage."
Age 26- Have Babies! Start family life. Settle down. Yes, you are accomplished!
Now obviously a 10 year old kid has a different idea of what should happen before she gets into the real world. I understand that my plan was probably faulty, and my feelings toward this plan may have very well changed, but I figured it would all be on my plate by now.
It is not on my plate. Enter my 26 year old reality:
- Went to college. YAY. However its not all its cracked up to be and now I have $20 G's in loans to repay.
- Unemployed. Granted by choice and pride but still, no box ticked and those loans are still knocking...
- Single. Boyfriend just dumped me a month ago and there are no current prospects. Did NOT see this coming.
- "Get awesome paying job" is pretty much a joke. I have had some great jobs working with some great people. I work hard and have a nifty resume, which I am thankful for but as far as 10 year old Sabrina's mind goes and even 26 year old Sabrina's mind goes "awesome paying job" has not turned up yet. I honestly don't even know what it looks like (besides entrepreneurship).
- Babies! YEAH RIGHT. Babies? Psshh. See above. Need awesome life partner and awesome paying job in order to make awesome babies.
OK, that's the end of my self loathing.
So its pretty clear that nothing has gone to plan. Which I am surprisingly OK with. These goals, these empty boxes; job, boyfriend and life plan give us some sort of stability. Something to strive for. And you strive and you reach but it's funny. Just when you think life is going in the right direction and you are making progress, albeit baby steps but its still some type of progress,and you have something to cling onto good old LIFE pops back in and pushes you right back into Transformation Mode! Its INSANE. But you know what, bring it LIFE because I do not want to stay stagnant. If popping my carefully blown bubble is the way I have to see that my plan is in need of obliteration so that I can carve my own path then so be it.
With my current bubble popped (obviously there have been more bubbles in my 26 years) I've spent the last few months really digging deep into what it is that I want. New Plan. Drawing board, day and night. Self-help books, inspiring Ted Talks you name it I have read, watched, listened to it. Its funny about wants because fundamentally they don't really change. The external things we chase are the ones that change but what you really feel in your bones is always there just waiting to be looked at again, perhaps with a new perspective.
Even sixteen years later I want to have those same feelings that 10 year old Sabrina wanted. She still wants to be feel successful, loved, appreciated, and valued for her work in the world. She wants to be creative, have her freedom and share her ideas with others. She wants those accomplishments.
Which brings me to why I am writing this blog entry. I don't want 26 to be just another indifferent year. I believe every year can be one where we grow and become our next better self. 26 will be that year for me. This year I am doing what it is that I want. One of those wants is to blog. To have a creative outlet for all this junk-up-in-my-mind- trunk. To get it out and not care what anyone else is going to have to say or think about it. Everyone is worried about being judged, including me. But I least have to try. I have to try to hold myself accountable for those things, feelings, experiences that I want.
Don't hold me to being perfect. In fact imperfection is exactly what I am striving for. There is more truth in the imperfections of our lives. I am not going to make a general statement as to what this blog will represent. I want to do, wear, and say what I want to say (grammatically/ politically correct or not) and I don't really care if someone is listening. However if you are, then I hope it leads to at least some inspiration or new perspective in your own life.
So hear goes this narcissistic journey of Fab Sab. 26 year old newb' to the blogosphere. Dreamer and hopefully Doer of her deepest desires.
*Cheers*
Until next time... <3 Sab
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